A letter from your horse ...original version and the real story ...
  • When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
  • When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
  • When you are short sighted, let me teach you to see.
  • When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
  • When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
  • When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
  • When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
  • When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.
  • When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
  • When you are tired, let me carry the load.
  • When you need to learn, let me teach you.
After all, I am your horse.

And now, the REAL story.....

  • When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods, and we need to leave NOW!
  • When you are short tempered, let me teach you to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
  • When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.
  • When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster (harder) than omnivores.
  • When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I don't feel like cantering on my right lead today.
  • When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
  • When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.
  • When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION.  Remember? I told you about those lions in them thar woods?
  • When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs. Of "YAHOO LETS GO!" can do when suitably inspired.
  • When you are lonely, let me be your companion.  Let's do lunch. Also, breakfast and dinner.
  • When you are tired, don't forget the 600lbs. Of grain that needs to be unloaded.
  • When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services".
  • When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll learn ya.
Sincerely, Your Horse


New Year's Resolutions for Horses
  • I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
  • I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the arena.
  • I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
  • My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to pee.
  • I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
  • I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
  • I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
  • I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
  • I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
  • I will NOT bite my furrier's butt just because it is there.
  • I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
  • I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
  • I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
  • I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.
  • I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
  • I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
  • I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while a human is mucking my stall.
  • I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
  • I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
  • I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
  • I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
  • I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
  • I accept that not every carrot is for me.
  • I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
  • I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a bicycle.
  • I will understand that bicycles are NOT carnivorous.
  • I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
  • I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".
  • I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.