A letter from your horse ...original version and the real story ...
And now, the REAL story.....
New Year's Resolutions for Horses
- When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
- When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
- When you are short sighted, let me teach you to see.
- When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
- When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
- When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
- When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
- When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.
- When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
- When you are tired, let me carry the load.
- When you need to learn, let me teach you.
And now, the REAL story.....
- When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods, and we need to leave NOW!
- When you are short tempered, let me teach you to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
- When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.
- When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster (harder) than omnivores.
- When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I don't feel like cantering on my right lead today.
- When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
- When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.
- When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION. Remember? I told you about those lions in them thar woods?
- When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs. Of "YAHOO LETS GO!" can do when suitably inspired.
- When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also, breakfast and dinner.
- When you are tired, don't forget the 600lbs. Of grain that needs to be unloaded.
- When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services".
- When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll learn ya.
New Year's Resolutions for Horses
- I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
- I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the arena.
- I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
- My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to pee.
- I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
- I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
- I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
- I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
- I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
- I will NOT bite my furrier's butt just because it is there.
- I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
- I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
- I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
- I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.
- I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming "Are you asleep?"
- I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
- I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while a human is mucking my stall.
- I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
- I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
- I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.
- I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.
- I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.
- I accept that not every carrot is for me.
- I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.
- I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a bicycle.
- I will understand that bicycles are NOT carnivorous.
- I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
- I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".
- I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.